happy? very happy meh?

as per my personal msg. everything is not working out for me. i totally do not like how things around me are turning out.

from the sasa salesgirl in sungeiwang and timessquare down to my stupid uni..
in between there are my cacat phone, my tortoise-pace laptop, the unavailability of microsoft word on another computer and.... the absence of my sister. shit. how life can be so dull and unmeaningful without her here .. seriously

when she was in KL.. sleeping bside me everynight.. i used to wake up at 9-10 in the morning..
these days i wake up at 1.. 2.. 3... i can even sleep another hour if i want to. but i dont want to. cause i wanna spend an extra waking hour to play games. i am a useless piece of meat....

seriously lo.. after graduating.. the first few weeks is the best.. after 2-3 weeks is just.... hard to go by. so now i really start to miss college life. hahah.. damn

seriously, as ppl grow up more problems do ensue. there are always more things to think about and it is really sad and sickening to always worry bout issues..
issues like:
- what am i going to do after i graduate?
- did i even like what i studied?
- what if i dont like office job?
- what if i dont like marketing job?
- whatever... are ppl gonna employ me at the first place?
- what if i do not like my new job?

these issues may sound easy to be solved.. but actually they are hard.. looking at my friends and thinking bout if i were in their shoes.. i seriously wont know what to do.. that is bcos.. i have.. never.. worked b4.. i long for the day when i really start to work. but somehow i think.. i am more looking forward to wearing formal office clothes rather than working.

my friends did ask me.. whats ur job objective actually? what do u wanna deal with?
i said.. anything la. just as long as i can learn new things
my friends said.. u can never think like that
y?
they will only put u in shitty departments do shitty jobs.. so that u can also learn new things.. shitty things..

my friend actually thought like me.. and the company really did that shitty deed .. now he has since left the company cause they werent being professional at all - putting their new employees into war without training.

i seriously do not know what i wanna do.. there are so many things to do in the accounts/finance field. i do not know if i like accounts or finance or mgmt accounts more. wtf. cause the real world are always that different from what our lecturers fed into our mouths.

just only started doing my resume.... suddenly feel that i am actually that small. totally nothing to boast about. and i do not even know where to start.

*crawling into a corner to cry*

THE WORLD IS RUTHLESS..

TOTALLY NO PLACE FOR A PAMPERED BRAT LIKE ME.

i wanna go back to australia and live the carefree life all over again.