Competiton

this post will be about human's competitive nature and how they differ from one person to the other and... how bad it will affect their relationship with ppl around them.

i dont get it sometimes

sometimes i spend hours(exaggerated) on the bed.. justifying how come he will feel that he HAS to beat me in some dumb games and why he HAS to tell me.... that he won and he beat me to it bla bla bla.. a normal conversation goes like this..

him: hey .. i beat u in the steps exercise d..

me: wow..... (with a very nonchalant tone, applying sunblock on my face)
him: and i also beat u at the skiing thing also.

me: .... (silent bcos deep down inside.. i am not sure if i should say anything and i admit that i wasnt too please that he has to tell me like that. i dont mind anyone beat me in any game.. i just dont.. OR maybe.. it's just him that i am not very please about)

i am a very sensitive person as i come to realise and whenever someone tries to judge me or criticise me right to my face without even being sure of who i really am... it just kills me and i will keep whatever that person has said in my heart.. reliving it over and over.... analysing each and every word.

in a very different form of competition... i am not even sure if this is..
sometimes i feel sad for myself when my parents tell everyone proudly that my sister as their daughter when ppl cant stop gushing bout how beautiful my sister is...
those ppl also only point at my sister saying "ouh!! this is ur daughter ah?"
without acknowledging this plumpier, shorter girl bside her is .... also my parents daughter.
i dont blame anyone seriously. i am not.. unhappy when this happens. i just.... do not know how to react. do i walk away quietly? remain at my standing point smiling at them... or .... not?
should i pull my sister away when guys try to ask for her name? should i stand there keep my mouth shut and treat myself as invisible?

i am the main character of my life.
sometimes... just to accomodate ppl and make them happy, i tend to make myself 2nd important and be the supporting actress instead.
i am not sure if i am happy bout this. i guess i am cause i do not have a big problem with it.
i am just worried that i may forgo chances n opportunities that may make my life even better than it already is.. just bcos i wanna make ppl happy. i cant really think of an example now but.. sometimes i really do that. :S

but seriously.... if.... i try to be the main character or my life... aka. be selfish and not care bout other ppl's feelings.. i may just be the biggest bitch in the whole wide world and i may just end up alone... no friends.. no family relatives would wanna talk to me.
so... i wont be happy.. so i might as well... make ppl happy. so that i would be happy.

off to din din